Sunday, 19 November 2006

Little black hole...

Still can smell that gas ... all imagination, but hey!

Had a discussion with DH yesterday about things which ended up to be a debate/argument and then me cracking down finally. Tried to explain to DH that I need to get a bit more sympathy, that there should be different levels of sympathy between migraine, common cold and getting cut open for the 3rd time in 18 months.

Also need to be allowed to break down into tears from time to time - I'm not a robot (even though I seem to manage a good fasade for everyone there) and getting told that you don't seem to conceive naturally, then being told that the tubes must be removed, then knowing that you cannot conceive naturally full stop (and all the stupid talk at ex-work "it may just happen" is crap - because it AIN'T! Highway is gone... would be a blimming miracle!!!) and then that there is a cyst, cyst is getting drained, womb etc looks like warzone, and how about Endometriosis???? Makes you wonder how they top that??? "Oh yes, we put you on a 3-month hormone implant that will give you a menopause!"

Just getting to the point to say "What else?" Getting too much, want to take a break. And surely there's only so much a person can take, isn't it?

Don't want to get all the good "next goals" like "Oh, you have to loose weight", "go for a walk", "Make sure you move about so you don't get osteoporosis and your muscle tissue doesn't degenerate" (goodness, that doesn't happen in 1 week of getting out of bed frequently to get something to drink or to go to the loo anyway!!!!). I just want to be allowed to fall into my little black hole from time to time and get empathy as well....

Sometimes I wonder if I am totally weird for wanting that (as I feel that DH implies that I am not "normal") - but fortunately one of my best friend Sharon helped me over that (and confirmed that it's not ME who's weird ... LOL).


sharonfruit said...

*hugz* You've been through so much over the last year and a bit, that you have every right to get upset. IVF and fertility issues aren't easy on anyone.

You are certainly not weird! I could never expect anyone to go through what you have and still be 100% untouched by it all.

You enjoy that black hole while you need it. Just remember to come back out ;o)

Heather said...

{hugs} Kat. Bloglines is being slow and I only just now saw your post. From reading more recent posts it sounds like you're in a bit of a happier place, and I'm glad for you.

Anam said...

**hugs** nope you are nto weird at all.