My Life's Ingredients

As usual when I’m signing up for a class from Shimelle , I get to print off the prompts (really, really LOVE them!), have a read at other “classmates’ “ work on their blogs and on the forum, and … then that’s about that. I think the only time I’ve been actually DOING layouts myself was/is for the JYC (Journal Your Christmas) classes. So it's about the same for her new class "Explore" . This time I’d actually hoped to get some stuff done – I signed up before we were told the c-section is to be at 36 weeks instead of 38 weeks, so I’d hoped to get at least 2 weeks out of it. Well… I got the prompts 1-7, got a notebook somewhere stashed away in my hospital bag and might be able to do something while I’m recovering from my c-section tomorrow, if the twins give me some time-out. I also have other prompts from other classes that I can read through while I’m there, just in case I cannot find the time to start reading a book. So … I might just do the “play book” entries ...

we’re possibly parents. Could just let that stand like it, mmmh? I suspect that they’re wanting us to arrive in the morning at the hospital so that we can get the pre-OP stuff done and then hoping for no emergency sections to come in, but confirmation of the timings will be tomorrow morning, when we have our last scan (double check the site of the previously low-lying placenta) and pre-OP bloods. It’s just scary how quickly time flew by, given that we probably would have expected natural delivery in about 2 weeks anyway.  Still feeling like someone is going to tell me on Wednesday morning that it all was a “Dallas” moment, and that it was all a dream – despite the big bump and the joint pains I got over the last months. As for the house, we’ll get there. So that’s good. Hospital bags for me and the twinnies are packed and ready to go into the car (we’ll keep them in there from tomorrow, “just in case” I have to rush in early, but I don’t think so. The girls behave so far, eve...

Yup… am a bad scrapbooker … I had planned to take weekly or at least monthly bump photos … that never really happened. Could blame DH for that as it’s really not easy to take pics by yourself with a growing bump, could blame the untidy bedroom (which only now is taking shape for the twinnies arrival) which is the only room with floor length mirrors. I could blame my friend Pauline who wanted to take bump pics but somehow life always got in the way for both of us. So – despite this pregnancy being about 90% the only one I’ll be going through, I just have to live with it. That’s it. Full stop. So far there’s a total of 4 bump photos, of which 2 are not the most flattering ones (I realised that bump photos are best done with a naked bump – clothing just makes me look fat… ).  But hey … here they are: That’s the first pic – me in April (at 22 weeks)  with my step mum after our nice day out close to Mainz at a very good restaurant in a converted Mill.  ...

I missed this in the inaugural month on Shimelle’s blog , and now I cannot really think about 10 things at all… Mmmmh… let’s see if I can get some pregnancy things up for this month, given that next month for this I’ll be a mum already (what a scary thought is THAT???). Daily headaches in 1st Trimester NO morning sickness whatsoever Heartburn (mostly from middle of 2nd Trimester) Sore sacroiliac joint on the right side (from 2nd trimester) Unable to sleep through nights because of loo-runs (throughout the whole pregnancy, not just Trimester 1 & 3 as singleton mums seem to) No WEIRD cravings … just cravings for German food Pelvic Girdle Pain & intermittent SPD Increased body temperature Slightly swollen ankles & finger joints Carpal Tunnel syndrome in right hand during 2nd Trimester Yup… think that’s about it.

And I haven’t even done ONE layout about the pregnancy, I haven’t taken weekly or monthly bump photos or done bump circumference measurements. THAT’S REALLY BAD!!! Not really a good scrapbooker, me, eh? I will try to catch up with stuff (well… I can start doing measurements and bump photos now) the coming week, and then make sure that I won’t make the same mistake once the twins are born!!! Still searching for non-pink nice paper stacks for a baby (girls) album that is not too cutesy.  Shame it’s really difficult to get scrapbooking stuff for twins. Feeling a bit calmer after yesterday’s outbreak of thoughts etc.

That seems the motto of my body as it seems. Given the length of time it took us to actually GET to be pregnant plus the amount of operations I had in between and injections and all that … After my first 2 laparoscopies I met Dr Ros Burns (anaesthetist at RIE) who diagnosed me with a “Grade 3 Throat, difficult intubation” – or in her own words: Nearly impossible to intubate. I believe they always had to use EVERYTHING in the book for the General Anaesthetics for the following 2 laparoscopies (ovarian cysts due to very severe endometriosis)!! Today I had an appointment with the anaesthetist regarding my options when it comes to labour, and while I knew that Ros was one of the anaesthetists for Simpsons (Centre for Reproductive Health at RIE), I was happy that I actually had my appointment with her. I think she was close to (happy) tears when she saw me, given that she’s been quite involved on our path through infertility. But back to my body … remember that “Grade 3” bit in the firs...

Definitely not getting enough of that and wake up far too early on my days off. Yesterday it was a stupid dream of a prolonged Epidural procedure (still don’t know what that wooden hammer thingy was doing there! ) and pelvic girdle/hip pain doesn’t help. Today I woke up again after 7 hours (that’s with 2 interruptions during the night) – how am I supposed to “catch up on sleep” prior to the twins arriving? Near impossible. Also – suggestions in baby books are to catch up on sleep when the babies are sleeping once they’re here (provided they both sleep at the same time). Given that I am having trouble to fall asleep the best of times (usually between 30 and 90 mins for me to actually fall asleep – and I can be as tired as I like!) – any suggestions what I could try for a quicker “falling asleep” procedure???

Yesterday and today really struggling with the back pain/pain in the right hip. It’s now going that far that my back seizes up when I’m standing up/walking too long. Really weird, but probably linked to my lumbar lordosis . Not sure how pronounced it is but carrying twins is not really helping the matter. As for walking – geesh, I’m walking tiny steps, joined the slow walking brigade and had several older colleagues overtake me on the way to the printer/photocopier – fun day for them!   It’s quite scary, as if I cannot stride out much anymore, but that’s probably because of the pain etc. Got my antenatal physio appt on Monday after scan & Twin Clinic in the morning, so hopefully that will sort things out. I just want to know what it is (options are Sciatica – but don’t have the pain going down the back – and Pelvic Girdle Pain, me thinks) and what exercises I can do for it.  Last Wednesday I tried to do some laps in the pool before Aquanatal, but my body is definit...

that I experienced the first flutters during the night/early this morning. And Chip & Chap (well… my hips/back) didn’t let me sleep too long – was up at around 6:30am … on one of my days of!!!!

Still struggling with sleep deprivation from Superbowl on Sunday, but hey … maybe I’ll get finally to sleep BEFORE midnight. And since 11am this morning the “little secret” from the Adamsons is now not a secret anymore. WE ARE PREGNANT WITH TWINS!!!!  The IVF run in December was positive (typical, the one we thought won’t do anything and we’ll have to go down to London to get immune issues checked out), and we had our official 12 week scan today. Both Chip and Chap are doing fine, are moving about, have all limbs and noses and chins and heartbeats. And I’m feeling as if a big rock’s been removed from my shoulders … have been reading too many horror stories about twin pregnancies resulting in just one baby born or even losing both. Think with 5 years IVF in the bag we know far too much about the medical background and are more likely to worry about what COULD go wrong instead of “enjoying the pregnancy”. But there you go – all going ok, tests were normal as well (don’t ha...

I have to deal with that heartburn … will have to search for the Gaviscon liquid sachets and have some with me all the time. Following items causing problems: Chocolate (humm!!!) Shortbread biccies (hohumm!!) Citrus fruit Chocolate Fybogel!!! (and I have to drink that twice per day because of other reasons … cannot WIN??) Else – me feeling bad must mean Chip & Chap are doing perfect … mmmh? Fortunately the 12-week-scan is Tuesday morning, as things that come up on the internet are really scary for me. Big sis said during telephone call today that I shouldn’t read that stuff, I’m now at the stage to read up how to handle the nappy changing etc. LOL. Ah well… skipping Gym today (haven’t been at all this week as I started to feel slightly dizzy and nauseous last week Sunday) but will have to go back tomorrow. Now searching for that elusive Gaviscon liquid in my rucksack and then will take it after dinner …

Not scared about what happens in August or end of July … but scared about things that don’t fall into the “normal pregnancy” situations. Like – I didn’t have any nausea or “morning sickness” until week 9 with a bit of a bigger bout since Sunday. Bit late, eh? And that’s not “sick sick” but just feeling a bit funny tummy wise, not that I have to hug the toilet bowl any time soon. Or then the fact that I am not ravenous with 2 beans in there? When I told DH this today when he phoned to say he’s leaving work, he totally went panicky thinking things are wrong, we’re not pregnant anymore etc. So … while people are being told to "enjoy pregnancy” (as far as you can … with all the sickness, nausea, constipation (sorry TMI), HEADACHES etc.) WE CAN’T! Not just yet. Not until at least week 12. Think that’s normal for people who went through IVF 5 times and nearly decided to switch clinics after the 6th attempt … and then it works. And for couples who had only 1 positive result which en...

That’s far for me … and feeling ok. No bleeding or anything else, and so far I have no real morning sickness either – maybe a bit nausea sometimes, and my taste buds decide after 1 cheese toast when nibbling on No 2 that I suddenly don’t like Emmental Cheese anymore! One of my favs!!! Seen the Doc today as the midwife measured higher blood pressure last week and although she wasn’t worried she thought better to check with the GP. Baby brain here totally forgot to check for the MRI results, so currently waiting for a call back from Dr Ewing. Been to the gym and will speak to Stewart (one of my instructors) on Friday because I am not sure my core stability workouts are working (30 secs max for me to hold the plank and the bridge with bosu!). Upper body strength? Non-existent as it seems! Had actually planned to scrap today – but somehow I’ve lost my Mojo a couple of months ago. Not sure if that’s because I’m soooo tired (and Dr Ewing said that being tired and not sleeping well is...

No emotional TV allowed for me I think – been watching “Don’t tell the Bride” earlier and nearly was in puddles!!! WEIRDO!!! Not sure what that is about. Else doing ok, bit headachey, and felt a bit nauseous this morning, so who knows, maybe morning sickness comes late for me. Although … I really could do without that. Got order to get some German baking today, so will see what the girls have on offer later. Oh … and it’s QVC Craft day, so getting maybe my Mojo back that way. Who knows.

The whole IVF stuff is surreal as it is, but after a positive result it’s just weird! During the cycle you go to the clinic about twice a week for bloods and scans – then the 2WW (2 week wait) is bad enough, as you don’t have ANY contact with the clinic. Zilch, Nada! You go back for the blood test, phone in for the result during lunch and then get your result … in our case it was mostly negatives, one low number positive (which then went up and resulted in an m/c in 2007 at week 6 (?) ). This time of course huge number (pointing towards twins) – and then you’re on your own. Feels weird, actually, I felt quite lost! 5 blinking weeks to cover time before you go in for a scan!!! Time enough to drive desperate people mental, really!! Think if I’d at least more “signs” (only had headaches and the telltale “chest” signs) I wouldn’t have been that bad … but with NO morning sickness I felt something was missing!! Well… scan was the same day as my first day back at work… so we went ther...

Got into clinic just in time (bit of traffic around bypass) and got changed. Different team this time (Dr Selma (?) instead of Dr Raja, Haideh instead of Laura, but think the embryologist was the same as last time) so have good hopes now. :) All women team as well, DH thinks that's an even better sign but couldn't cope with twin girls. ;D ;D They defrosted our first 2 embryos (from cycle May 2006) instead of the ones from the NHS cycle this year - but because both have survived they didn't even bother defrosting 2 more ... so we still got 4 ^snowflake^ in the freezer! :) And even better - our embies decided to go ahead nicely with cell splitting, so now I've got 2 beautiful 8-cell embryos onboard! :) Lots of good things going on this weekend, including DH's birthday yesterday ... and testing on St. Andrew's day! That just HAS TO WORK!!!! :D HUGS - back to put my feet up now. :) And enjoying being PUPO (pregnant until proven otherwise) !!! WAHEY!!!!

That's it ... I'm bowing out again from the pregnancy quarter ... scan today didn't show anything, not even a flicker or a sac/yolk (but a small cyst again on left ovvie) and blood test came back with hCG 9. That's me for this round ... What went wrong? Was there something done wrong by the clinic? They gave us a different date for the ET than was written down on our sheet (maybe that's why my first scan was biochemical?) and I didn't get any more pessaries after they found out I was biochemical. No crying yet, it's not sunk in yet ... I am just feeling as if my body has been taking the mick the last 3 weeks!!! :( Off for another scan/blood test on Friday and then we'll see what's going on. Think they still have to make sure that there is nothing ectopic anywhere... :o I'm going to ease back into diet tomorrow (with a small change for tomorrow and Wednesday for lunch) just to be on the safe side. It's weird ... I felt like I connected wit...

Well... stopped bleeding this morning (for the time being ... still worrying about everything!!!) so decided to take it easy to prevent new bleeding to start - stupid thinking? Well, brain function is not up to speed at the moment anyway!! ;) So have been doing some washing up, filling & emptying the dishwasher (thank goodness we bought that thing!!!) and shredding papers. :) Rest of the day I've been playing some games I've downloaded from Big Fish Games (those free trial for 60 mins thingies). My favourites are currently those "Time Management" games like "Coffee Shop", "Grimm's Hatchery" etc. :) FUN! And NO idea why I like them. :) Was actually thinking about scrapping a bit today, but ... errr.. games got in the way. However, saw Anam's journal entry for today's "Scrap-A-Month" challenge and while we're having a different basis I think I am using that challenge for another LO for my IVF album (which I haven'...

Well... what have you! Been renewing my "friendship" with the loo, and can't sleep (but eyes are droopy and all that ... just cannot fall asleep!!!). Doesn't help that DH has problems with his hayfever again, so blocked nose breathing, snoring etc. keeps me from falling asleep - I really need absolute quiet to fall asleep ... or need to listen to music. That's something I started as a child and only stopped a couple of years ago, i.e. I couldn't fall asleep without music at all until ... mmmh... say 2004/05? Wish I could switch off the brain from the fear of miscarriage as well ... would help with the sleeping, wouldn't it? If I have problems tomorrow I'm going to have a nice hot milk with honey or maybe Whittards Dreamtime. Hope that all this is a good sign towards pregnancy and the impending scan on Monday ... have to phone EFREC later today to confirm the time ... think it was 11:30am but could be 10:30am ... was totally shocked when they told me a...

Well, we've been doing some housework today - stuff we usually don't have time for (i.e. going through the boxes in the spare bedroom... also called "box room" for obvious reasons! LOL). Well, DH did it ... I did a shop inventory for the American Football stuff we got from the BAFL (British American Football League) for selling at our home games. Then did some ironing as well. Just cannot take time out and keep the feet up which everyone seems to suggest for me because of the bleeding. It kept my mind off things though (well.. as much as that can be in my situation). Tonight I had to google/read up on the FF Forum again ... the bigger clot still worries me, but it was just the one ... and I AM having clots normally during AF which is because of the endometriosis. From what I heard you'd have lots of clots when you have a m/c, so I'll grab that straw and hope for the best on Monday. Somehow cannot get the thought out of my head that we may have lost one of...