Wednesday, 28 June 2006


Now ... while I like some songs that are around at the moment (Keane, Snowpatrol, Coldplay etc.) but I have to admit I'm a 70's/80's girl when it comes to music.

Saga, ELO, APP (Alan Parson's Project), Chicago ... like them! Have been listening to ELO for a while in the last 2-3 years but with the "Love & Monsters" Episode of Doctor Who it just started again ... :) Ah well.. it's GOOD music ... and original as well...!!

Thursday, 22 June 2006

Life changes?

Back for nearly a week at work and I really don’t like it. My boss is this week on holiday so the “2nd in command” is very lenient with me and targets … but I get to the point that I don’t like my job, don’t like sitting in an open space office with lots of other people… I just don’t like it!!! And I remember that I didn’t think that being in an office job would be the career for me when I got my Bilingual Secretary Diploma/Degree (or whatever you’d call it in UK). Why did I do the course in the first place? Well… it’s my forte for languages, I assume. And because I am not good at sciences and therefore couldn’t get anywhere in medicine really. And because I didn’t feel up for working life when I was 17.

So… what now? I thought after the negative result it’s the time for changing my life … I thougth I quit my job, concentrate on my studies and get that Diploma in January!!! Just need to get some practical time somehow, but it’s harder than you think! Whole insurance thing, and then – if only shadowing – it’s a patient/therapist confidentiality if there’s a 3rd person in the room. Seems easier in England somehow.

But then – I’m scared to bits. Quitting my job, which – while I hate it – is secure and brings some money in. I feel more scared than when I moved to the UK in 1998 (that was on my own, new country, “foreign” language but at least I had a job!)…. And now I am getting worried that if I don’t hand in my notice the next 2 weeks I will NEVER leave that office/job/building!!! 

Monday, 19 June 2006

David Tennant Fan?

Well... there you go. After becoming a Dr Who fan last year (with Eccleston)and going through the whole Dr. Who thing (as I didn't grow up with it) I am now a David Tennant fan.... quite good looking guy, Scottish (teeheee) and ... errr... shock! I came across that photo of DH on Saturday.... Is a bit of a lookalikey??! :)

Wednesday, 14 June 2006

Test result ... blood says "NO"

...well.. there you have it. It's a BFN (big fat negative) for me on the first IVF cycle (well... first full one that is). All went fine until Tuesday morning when I started my period (and I thought that you couldn't have that when being on Progesterone?) ... I had the gut feeling that it was over at around lunch time so had a warning .. but DH still had problems to come to grips with it.

Blood test this morning was just confirmation really. We also were told that only 2 of our 4 leftover embryos made it to "frosties" (i.e. were frozen). As they were frozen togehter we have a 50/50 chance for them not surviving the thawing process. FET (Frozen embryo transfer) waiting list is shorter (I believe 3 months on self funded) than full cycle but seeing the stats for that (being 15% successful?!?!) we decided that we will go for another full cycle - which is at the moment pinned down for January 2007 but can be earlier if there are cancellations. They want me to take a break from IVF for 3 months anyway, so there you go.

We don't know what went wrong. And the doctors won't be able to tell me either. That's why the success rate for IVF is lower than the rate for ICSI (that's when the "problem" lies with the male partner). I'm just totally frustrated about the unfairness from NHS - for every self funded cycle we get one of our free NHS cycles deducted. That system is just not right, is it??? Yes, surely, we get to do our cycle earlier than the people on NHS (currently 3 years waiting list - and we're still having to wait yet another year - i.e. 2008 - if we'd go NHS!!!) - but we pay blimming money for it! Just to have a 40% chance of getting pregnant!!!! That's so unfair!

Still hasn't sunk in yet I believe - D/H and I have switched on our "coping mechanisms" just now - I did some cleaning and he re-did the budget as well as fully focusing on the Meadowbank Event on 24th June. Wonder when that's going to change to weepiness. I am supposed to go back to work on Tuesday but am not sure if I am ready then????

Monday, 12 June 2006

Day 10 post ET

Phew ... didn't post anything for a week ...

I'm feeling ok, although I have nasty niggly headaches today ... Can't be dehydration as I have been drinking enough I'd think.

Had a scare yesterday - around lunch time I had period-like cramps and when I went to the loo I had very slight spotting - so I was feeling down and was about to give up. But then I read more notes on the 2WW diaries etc. on and found that it may be implantation bleed. Got a PM from one of the girls who have had ICSI at ERI (and who's now pregnant) and she confirmed she had the same pain and spotting .... and as no further spotting was there (apart from a very faint more brownish one early afternoon) I am back to positive.

Really hope that I will survive tomorrow and will get a BFP (big fat positive) on Wednesday. Won't do a pregnancy test as the HCG level can be still affected by the HCG injection I had to do 36 hrs before EC. Or could it? Ach well, don't have a test at home anyway, why spend money on it when I get the full result on Wednesday morning (well.. have to phone in the afternoon to get the result)?!?!

Have been taking things slowly last week - after my walk to Tesco's on Monday I had a break on Tuesday (with some ironing and doing the dishes) and then went by bus with Sharon to Dobbies to shop for DoCrafts offers. We had a nice lunch at Dobbies and then went on to Dalkeith (Paperlace) and bought stuff ... I got 4 packs of 8x8 card stock, got the Large Swirl Letters & Numbers (See D's Alphabets) and also got the free See D's alphabet ("Flower Power Alphabet") which would look nice on a Baby LO ...

Thursday I met with MIL to take pictures of places where FIL grew up in Edinburgh (for the album I am going to make and MIL printed one for the fathers day present as well). Also took a couple more pictures of the Cows ... DH and I want to walk the CowParade on 26th June (provided weather is good) as we're both off work that day.
After taking the pictures we went back to my inlaws where we had tea and DH and I got a haircut (MIL used to be a hairdresser).

Friday I had another day off but did again some ironing and a wash and did the washing up as well (well... did that every day).

Saturday was lazy day for DH and me (apart from him mowing the lawn and me doing some ironing).

Well... that's just a quick recap. Can't believe I haven't done much housework (but then - I am not really allowed to do much and should take it slowly and easy) or any SCRAPPING at all!!! Really have to do some scrapping tomorrow - finish my dad's birthday paper bag book (which is now 2 weeks delayed... :o ).

Monday, 5 June 2006

Day 3 post ET

Mmmmh… agreed with DH I would walk to Tesco’s today, just to have a little exercise. Went all ok, although went a bit shopping mad … got 4 magazines (two of which being Pregnancy & Baby mags – after all, I am currently “a little bit preggy”) and some nectarines, salad and radishes plus 2 planting pots (plastic) … and that after all I wanted was milk!!! (got that as well of course).

Carrying the bag (not too heavy, bottles were in my rucksack) felt a bit like pulling a muscle in my tummy so was glad when I arrived home … but now I am worried that I have done too much and done something wrong etc. Checked, but no bleeding so still hoping….

2ww is CRAP! I tell you that!!! Any signs for pregnancy could be also a sign for AF (period) and could also be a side effect from the pessaries, which are a pain in the bum (no pun intended – they are not going up there!!! Sorry, tmi!). Somehow my b(.)(.)bs look enormous today, but think that’s just the bra I got on ….


I really want to be and stay pregnant sooo much!! And after all I went through because of treatment etc I think I should get a little positive outcome? Pretty please???? 

Sunday, 4 June 2006

Day 2 post ET

Day 5 of the whole thing ... apparently my little embies are supposed to be blastocysts today and do the "nisting in" ... and I really hope they hold on properly!!!

The emby transfer on Friday was "smooth" (or so the nurse and consultant said - I was feeling uncomfy with the speculum etc - sorry ... tmi!). We have 2 grade II embies back on board and 3-4 grade II embies to be frosties. Grade I embies only happen once every fortnight apparently, so I think we've done well.

Went to Ikea after the transfer (mmmh... should have put my feet up but needed some diversion!) and then the rest was me flopping on the couch.

Yesterday about the same thing, went for 2 hours to ArtStamps (and restraint myself shopping wise!) and then back on the couch.

I have trouble with migraines since day before EC (and I think it's the hormones) and today feel a little nausea, but believe that's because I didn't have any breakfast yet.

Think I'll keep to the resting pattern until Tuesday and then will be off the couch for more ...

Mmmh... now for that ice pack and mint oil .... not allowed painkillers as far as I know ... :(

Thursday, 1 June 2006

Fairly good "Easter" ... ;)

Well... the OP yesterday was kinda interesting. We arrived at the clinic for 8am and OP was pencilled in for 9am. I saw Donna, one of the girls from the forum and wished her best luck - she was there for the pregnancy testing (which later turned out to be another negative for her ... (hugs)).

Went to another area of the ACU where they have a recovery room for 6 people. Got all changed and Laura (nurse) took my vitals (err.. yeah, I know my BMI is too high and I know that I am overweight ... :( )and got me ready to go. The anaestesist came through to talk about his work and then I got trolley-ed into the prep room with Irene (the token Scottish Nurse in EFREC) and then I got just knocked out... I was told that you still can talk and hear what the consultants say but ... nope, I was away with the fairies!! :) Probably as well, as Dr. Ding got 10 eggs out for me and everyone was happy with that (the woman next to me in the recovery room had only 4).

Came to at 10:10 and was still a bit dosey ... think it's the analgesia that's doing this to me .... Tried to have some tea and toast around 11am but still didn't feel too good - and after the OP in January I knew what to look out for.

But hey, I got out ok, we left the clinic at 1:20pm and then I got straight into bed - sleeping off the drugs.

I am still very sore and bloaty just now, but it's better than it was yesterday, and with my session at the acupuncturist I hope that this will go away again as well.

And ... SCORE!!! Out of the 10 eggs 8 fertilised and while 2 were too low graded we have 6 embies we can work with!! I.e. 2 back in and 4 to be put on ice... think that's very good.

Tomorrow is the transfer and then in the evening I have another acupuncture session... and then it's all feet up and take it easy ... and the dreaded 2ww (2 week wait)... mmmmmh...