My Life's Ingredients

Lots of Christmassy stuff around here soon (once DH has taken down the Christmas boxes ... tomorrow?). I've got a nice Advent Calendar from the girls from the SBS forum . As the individual parcels are not numbered I cannot provide info as to what I got just yet as some of the girls read my blog, and that would just take the suspense away from their calendars. :) But I will post a photo of each parcel and will provide details later. :) My tea advent calendar will look a little forlorn until I get the next parcel from my Mutch (she only could pack 2kg because of postage) - at the moment I've got only 6 tea sample packs. But should be ok for the rest - she said she'd be sending the next parcel tomorrow! :) We also got a chocolate advent calendar each this year (courtesy of Mutsch) so we'll give the one we bought to BIL. Shimelle's Christmas Journal Class/Workshop ... YOU CAN STILL SIGN UP!!! :) I've put together all Christmas papers/cardstock and embellies so jus...

Well, didn't expect anything else really. At least it's not limbo. Doing ok, still get a little pull on the right side (probably the cyst) but not bleeding anymore. Sciatica-like pain in the bum is gone as well. As I had my big cry and rant already I am doing ok. Not 100% sure how DH is coping, he only took 1/2 day off. We're back on the waiting list, no more NHS funding - next cycle probably in May and follow up appointment in January. Concentrating on Christmas from tomorrow?! Getting the house ready, cards made and sent etc. Can't believe it's already the 1st tomorrow and 1st Advent on Sunday! And I haven't done much in respect of prepping for Christmas.

Been "confined to bed" since Tuesday, have heavy cramps (more than usual with period) and my head is playing up as well. Not up to anything - and I still have to do my Christmas Cards etc!!! DH bought a long cable for my laptop so I can go online from the bedroom and probably from downstairs as well (to be tested once I feel better). THANKS HUN! At least I don't have to get myself into the study & sitting up for long. Everyone I've been talking to is saying that there is still a hope, that it's only the one beanie gone maybe, and I have the childish hope that it's only the cyst bleeding out. But ... don't think we'll get a positive tomorrow. :( Have had a good cry on Tuesday already, feeling cheated because we WERE pregnant and then lost it at week 5 and now it doesn't even look like it's taken! :( WHY is it always such a crap game of lottery?!?!?! Is IVF working for me? What's going to happen if I can only carry for 5 weeks? Time to th...

What The Holidays Mean to You For you, the holidays are about emotional connections and bonds. You are happiest being around those you love. You celebrate the holidays in a minimalist style. You are likely to only give one great present and decorate your house with a few special items. During the holidays, you like to feel cozy and comfortable. You're happy to stay inside with a roaring fire and a warm drink. You think the holidays should be nostalgic and sweet. The holidays bring out your inner child. Your favorite holiday memories strongly evoke your senses. You are vividly aware of all the tastes, smells, and sounds of the holidays. What Do the Holidays Mean to You?

Not feeling well today ... bleeding got stronger, have cramps and headaches. Took the bus to work, went to the loo to check the knickers and then just went to the boss to say I'm not feeling well. Spoke to the clinic who suggested bed rest but are not positive on the whole thing. OBVIOUSLY! They still have to see us for blood test on Friday. CRAP!!!! :(

All week I have possible symptoms ... heartburn/acid reflux (what's the difference??), hot flushes, tiredness... didn't have any period like pains or anything else yet so was of course wondering (like I've done every 2ww so far!!). Today I had some spotting ... but it seems to be the "good" spotting, light and not long ... it's gone again, and now I am feeling a little "pulling" on my lower right ... which is my ovary and the blinking cyst. But from experience (and others') it may be implantation bleed ... soooo, you wee embies ... snuggle in there!! I am happy to abstain Gluehwein, Smoked Salmon and Shrimp Cocktail for Christmas ... as long as I get a BFP on Friday!!! And please .... no stupid LIMBO thing this time..... :( Really don't want THAT for Chrimbo. :o

We had a great evening with Sharon & Graeme. It's not very often we see each other since they moved down to "The Big Smoke" (how dare they!!! ;) ) but still try our best everytime. After I met up with them for lunch during our weekend for the NFL Game we decided that we would go to Khublai Khan the next time they are up - and that's where we went. I went to work today as this meant I wouldn't have to go into town later on an d I also was able to get the Thursday off to hand off stuff for wee Pam's mom for the Christmas Market at the HQ of my work. Meeting up at Chocolate Soup again (where else!!! ;) ) and we had a nice time chatting there. G had to leave us early to catch up with other friends, so we girls had a nice natter and then walked to St. James' Centre to meet up with Doug - who was delayed and that way gave us a chance to go shopping at The Works (got 3 Xmas pressies!!). :) When arriving at KKs G was delayed and I think we may have test...

A day later than usual, but still feeling tired. :o Not to mention hot flushes (uh uh ... no reading into "symptoms") etc. Got most of my workload done at least and had a nice lunch with Lisa. When I came home I found a box from Germany ... my "Adventskalender" from the Scrapbookseite Forum . :) Wonder how I will put it up - hang it up on the wall? Put it somewhere in a box or something like that? Something to look into. :) Looking forward to opening the individual gifts! :) Will add the photo tomorrow. :)

But effectively day 6 (our embies were frozen at day 2, defrosted on Friday - day 3 and then Saturday/Sunday/today) which means they are supposed to furrow in there nicely right now. :) The whole thing feels surreal. Doesn't feel like IVF and I have to remind myself that I am just not allowed certain things now. :o Just because I didn't have the painful experience of the EC. This is why I decided to go to work anyway - and because I am only working 2 days/week. Feeling a bit tired, have a cold and could do with a day just lying in bed really. Have no mojo for crafting the last 2 days so hope I can do some things tomorrow. Fairly busy week this week as well... work Wednesday & Friday, Thursday is a "Christmas Market" at my work and I am going to meet up with one of the girls from the crop to hand over the cards that were made for her to sell for charity. And Friday Sharon is coming up and we're going to have dinner at Khublai Khan . YUMMM!!! And maybe we have...

Got into clinic just in time (bit of traffic around bypass) and got changed. Different team this time (Dr Selma (?) instead of Dr Raja, Haideh instead of Laura, but think the embryologist was the same as last time) so have good hopes now. :) All women team as well, DH thinks that's an even better sign but couldn't cope with twin girls. ;D ;D They defrosted our first 2 embryos (from cycle May 2006) instead of the ones from the NHS cycle this year - but because both have survived they didn't even bother defrosting 2 more ... so we still got 4 ^snowflake^ in the freezer! :) And even better - our embies decided to go ahead nicely with cell splitting, so now I've got 2 beautiful 8-cell embryos onboard! :) Lots of good things going on this weekend, including DH's birthday yesterday ... and testing on St. Andrew's day! That just HAS TO WORK!!!! :D HUGS - back to put my feet up now. :) And enjoying being PUPO (pregnant until proven otherwise) !!! WAHEY!!!!

Went in for the blood test today at 8:25, had Susan taking the blood and then was told that the head consultant wanted to see me regarding my cyst but he was at the Western and wouldn't be back until 9:30am. HUH! So we went and I treated DH to a nice filled Croissant in the cafeteria. Not that he deserved it but he had to have some food in the tummy, otherwise his bad mood would've just risen! Cyst is still there, still 6cm diameter, but not growing (and the last scan was 1.5 weeks ago). We had a bit of a talk after the scan regarding our options, whether to go ahead or not. But as we're doing a natural cycle this time we think it's safer to go ahead with the tx instead of having yet another laparoscopy and another delay. Just phoned the clinic and I am in for ET on Saturday morning! Geeesh, what a change! And we don't have to get up early tomorrow for another blood test! So if DH gets tomorrow off he can enjoy his birthday!

Got up this morning at 6:30am to leave the house at 7am to be at the clinic around 8am. All went well until I had to switch buses ... the next 33 (my normal bus to the hospital) from West End to the clinic was not due for another 15 mins, so I got onto another bus to have a bigger selection of buses from the bridges. In total we seem to have 3 buses that are actually going THROUGH town to get to the hospital ... and guess what ... they all were running about every 10-15 mins! We have the blinking 22 running every 5 mins MAX to get from one shopping centre to another (Gyle to Ocean Terminal) but don't have EXPRESS BUSES to get to the hospital!!! What a FARCE!!! Think next time I'll try either the 21 or the 32 ... see whether it takes me much more than 1 hour 20 mins that I am doing at the moment with 1 change - both of them would be without changing buses but might be a bit of a "city tour" of the outskirts of Edinburgh. NOT TOO HAPPY WITH LRT!! As for the blood test -...

Well.. didn't work well with it. Cannot find any of the top right hand corder options so decided to go with this template for a while. May try to do my own at some point when I find the time ... probably after Xmas! LOL.

...and guess what - still not the right time for me! :o Back to yet another blood test tomorrow ... this time even earlier than before, between 8 and 8:30am. They will have trouble finding a vein again though. I definitely need to add some arnica cream on my bruises. Work was very busy today but at least I got a different "queue" from our work system this time. Fairly refreshing! :) Also received a pizza box this morning, without the RM ringing the doorbell. But at least they left the box outside. :) Was my order from A Trip Down Memory Lane (for my "Nikolaus" from the SBS Forum and raffle pressies for the crop.) YUMM!! I also got my first "Klartext" stamp sheetfrom Dani Preuss - nice Christmas sayings in German. VERY useful for German Xmas cards. Just couldn't resist. Can't wait for my next day off ... although I suspect I have to pop in to EFREC on Thursday morning as well... yawn! Feeling tired and my eyes are feeling tired as well ......

Just didn't work out ... been doing some housework downstairs, and now I am feeling totally "groggy". Think I'll write some blog entries offline or letters and do some cross stitch instead. And maybe an earlier night considering I have to leave for work earlier tomorrow to pop in to the clinic for a blood test. :o

Went to EFREC this morning (ungodly hour ... between 8 and 9!!). They didn't do a scan, just blood test, so seems they are not worried about the cyst at all. Ach well, maybe I just stick with that attitude? Blood test doesn't say much (i.e. we're not at the "surge" yet), so I have to go back tomorrow - again between 8 and 9. Means I am trying to take an earlier bus tomorrow, so I don't have to work too long tomorrow. :) Absolutely tired today (getting up early yesterday and today.. :( ) but at least I am feeling more or less warm again (was absolutely freezing this morning!!! -1 when we left!!). :D Off to get some crafty stuff done today and do some cleaning in the bedroom (priorities first LOL).

Just so I post some crafts on here again .... :) Here are the first 5 LOs I've done for my friends' wedding. I don't think they are reading my blog (and if so - just prove me wrong ;) ) so I can post them here. Material used: HOTP Wedding Papers & Cardstock 8x8 pads, flower & heart embellishments from "Stampers Grove"

...but got some housework done. :) Been mopping the kitchen, clearing the kitchen table and changed it back to round (was extended to oval for too long), hoovering the stairs and mopped the entrance area. Still have a couple more things I want to do tonight (mostly Wolvesy stuff on the PC) and then will take my "me time" tomorrow. Currently catching up with "The Tudors" ... thank goodness for SKY+ !!! :) Else ... getting a bit fed up with the template for my blog ... will check if I can find a free template somewhere to use instead. Don't think I am ready to do my own banner just yet.

YAY!!! It's going to happen again this year. And I have best intentions to finish the journal/scrapbook this year. :) Probably will do some of the journalling up front. What I am talking about? Shimelle's class/workshop "Christmas Journal". It's a great class, and once you've signed up for the first time you are automatically invited to the chat group & gallery every year thereafter. :) As I said already, it's the 4th year for me - first year I signed up and didn't do ANYTHING, in 2005 I did the first LO and that was that - last year I was able to do 6 more LOs. Am keen to finish this scrapbook this time round though, as it is hopefully the last Christmas as a twosome... :) You can see the existing LOs in blog posts from December 2006. :)

We went to EFREC this morning (very inconsiderate of them ... on my day off to appear at 9:20am with a 30-70 mins trip there. ;) ) Scan showed thin lining (normal at that stage) and ... guess what ... yet another bloody cyst (in the truest sense of the word ... chocolate cyst again! 6x6cm). The doctor is happy to leave it be just now, but you never know, during the whole FET cycle I may just get it drained ... maybe...? The finding would explain the more crampy period pains I had this time around. :o Back for another scan next Monday between 8-9am. And then maybe daily until we figure out when ovulation date is (well... the daily testing is mentioned in the paperwork I got, but not sure if that's going to happen?). Doug thinks that the ET will be on his birthday!! ;) Ach well... we'll see.

Well, that's me ... day 1 of the cycle - this time a bit different, as it's going to be a FET (frozen embryo transfer). Meaning: I am not doing any injections. Means also that I have to go regularly to EFREC for blood tests. JOY!! Ah well... suspect it will be twice per week. The news from one of my fellow EFREC girls that she had a miscarriage at 6 (?) weeks AGAIN (last cycle the same) worries me a bit. What if I am the same? That the m/c from last cycle was not just a "jump start" but showing that I CAN get pregnant with the help of IVF, but not STAY pregnant? What if the embryos don't survive the thaw process? Means we get a full cycle on NHS/LHB, but also means we have to wait longer... Too many questions, and I don't really like that. People going through the hardship and pain (!!!) of IVF etc should get a guaranteed pregnancy/delivery! That's what I think. :( Ok, back to feeling bad now ... got cramps and would rather be at home doing stuff inst...