Thursday, 13 July 2006

Losing "faith" ?

That's in brackets because I am an agnostic/atheist anyway ....

Yesterday night it kinda hit me ... gosh, £3,200 is quite a lot of money ... specially if it only buys you 40% CHANCE of getting pregnant... isn't it? We've agreed to try our luck again for a December/January cycle. And at the moment it doesn't seem much more ... it's only luck. The specialists don't have a clue what went wrong, they won't change anything regarding dosage of injections etc ... the only thing they suggested (and that seems to be across the board with all the other girls at the ACU) is losing weight.

But back to that £3,200 ... it's a big thing. It's ... a 2-week holiday in Florida for DH and me including all the shopping and possibly even tickets for Disney/Universal/SeaWorld. And it's going to be the 2nd amount to pay end of this year.

One of the girls who are at EFREC with me had her 5th (!!!!) negative last month. That's hard. And not even one teensy NHS attempt as far as I know. I think it's totally unfair that we get an NHS attempt deducted for every cycle we pay for. That's punishment!!!

I am amazed that that "girl" is still going (she's getting too old for the NHS cycles now, I believe she's turning 38 this year?!). I don't know if I could - and it's not just because of the money. Another girl said that she can understand that the treatment cycle can be addictive - there's probably always the nagging thought "Maybe the next time it's the 40% (or whatever) for us!!"

But I think I'll stick to the limit I set myself. 4 cycles. No more. I think that your body will go haywire if doing too many cycles, and I'd love to have the chance to be still young enough to be considered as an adoptive mum for a baby ... or would I? I mean... would I adopt?

Geeesh... that's the thoughts that go through my mind all day already ... think it's because it's now 1 month since the failed attempt. The "witch" (period) was on the dot datewise this month.... :o

Can I go through with it again? Is it WORTH it getting the hopes up if the specialists cannae tell you what went wrong and what to do different next time? I responded to the drugs perfectly (well.. even a bit more than that, considering I was close to borderline OHSS), it just didn't happen with the "nisting in". And that's where the docs cannot find out what went wrong. Did my little embies actually get to the blastocyst stage or did they decide not to do any cell division anymore like the 2 embies that were supposed to be frozen but just didn't get past 4-cell embies?

We have the other 2 frozen, and I want to keep them that way. 2 Embies in the same vial, with a 50/50 chance of surviving the thawing process plus a 40% chance of actually anything happening with them when they are transferred back ... nawh... I keep my frosties and do a fresh cycle ... and hopefully that will be that.

I'm a person who needs to get information as to WHY things happen ... IVF is not really the best thing for me then, is it???? :(


Anam said...

**hugs** we had the same fgeelings and in the end decided to go down the adoption route and by chance some acupuncture came along and then came fay - I know thats not an option for you but we did the same maths and fiugured we could put the £4K towards doing the house and beds for some kids and a holiday with them etc... but i also understand the need and want to be pregant and have that baby.

sharonfruit said...

*hugz* hun! It is hard when docs can't give you answers :o( I think you and Doug will be fantastic parents whatever route you go down.

helen said...

I really do have my fingers crossed for you.
It must be hard and upsetting to have to go through all this.
Chin up and *hugs* to you hunny.