My Life's Ingredients

Well, didn't expect anything else really. At least it's not limbo. Doing ok, still get a little pull on the right side (probably the cyst) but not bleeding anymore. Sciatica-like pain in the bum is gone as well. As I had my big cry and rant already I am doing ok. Not 100% sure how DH is coping, he only took 1/2 day off. We're back on the waiting list, no more NHS funding - next cycle probably in May and follow up appointment in January. Concentrating on Christmas from tomorrow?! Getting the house ready, cards made and sent etc. Can't believe it's already the 1st tomorrow and 1st Advent on Sunday! And I haven't done much in respect of prepping for Christmas.

Been "confined to bed" since Tuesday, have heavy cramps (more than usual with period) and my head is playing up as well. Not up to anything - and I still have to do my Christmas Cards etc!!! DH bought a long cable for my laptop so I can go online from the bedroom and probably from downstairs as well (to be tested once I feel better). THANKS HUN! At least I don't have to get myself into the study & sitting up for long. Everyone I've been talking to is saying that there is still a hope, that it's only the one beanie gone maybe, and I have the childish hope that it's only the cyst bleeding out. But ... don't think we'll get a positive tomorrow. :( Have had a good cry on Tuesday already, feeling cheated because we WERE pregnant and then lost it at week 5 and now it doesn't even look like it's taken! :( WHY is it always such a crap game of lottery?!?!?! Is IVF working for me? What's going to happen if I can only carry for 5 weeks? Time to th...

Not feeling well today ... bleeding got stronger, have cramps and headaches. Took the bus to work, went to the loo to check the knickers and then just went to the boss to say I'm not feeling well. Spoke to the clinic who suggested bed rest but are not positive on the whole thing. OBVIOUSLY! They still have to see us for blood test on Friday. CRAP!!!! :(

All week I have possible symptoms ... heartburn/acid reflux (what's the difference??), hot flushes, tiredness... didn't have any period like pains or anything else yet so was of course wondering (like I've done every 2ww so far!!). Today I had some spotting ... but it seems to be the "good" spotting, light and not long ... it's gone again, and now I am feeling a little "pulling" on my lower right ... which is my ovary and the blinking cyst. But from experience (and others') it may be implantation bleed ... soooo, you wee embies ... snuggle in there!! I am happy to abstain Gluehwein, Smoked Salmon and Shrimp Cocktail for Christmas ... as long as I get a BFP on Friday!!! And please .... no stupid LIMBO thing this time..... :( Really don't want THAT for Chrimbo. :o

But effectively day 6 (our embies were frozen at day 2, defrosted on Friday - day 3 and then Saturday/Sunday/today) which means they are supposed to furrow in there nicely right now. :) The whole thing feels surreal. Doesn't feel like IVF and I have to remind myself that I am just not allowed certain things now. :o Just because I didn't have the painful experience of the EC. This is why I decided to go to work anyway - and because I am only working 2 days/week. Feeling a bit tired, have a cold and could do with a day just lying in bed really. Have no mojo for crafting the last 2 days so hope I can do some things tomorrow. Fairly busy week this week as well... work Wednesday & Friday, Thursday is a "Christmas Market" at my work and I am going to meet up with one of the girls from the crop to hand over the cards that were made for her to sell for charity. And Friday Sharon is coming up and we're going to have dinner at Khublai Khan . YUMMM!!! And maybe we have...

Got into clinic just in time (bit of traffic around bypass) and got changed. Different team this time (Dr Selma (?) instead of Dr Raja, Haideh instead of Laura, but think the embryologist was the same as last time) so have good hopes now. :) All women team as well, DH thinks that's an even better sign but couldn't cope with twin girls. ;D ;D They defrosted our first 2 embryos (from cycle May 2006) instead of the ones from the NHS cycle this year - but because both have survived they didn't even bother defrosting 2 more ... so we still got 4 ^snowflake^ in the freezer! :) And even better - our embies decided to go ahead nicely with cell splitting, so now I've got 2 beautiful 8-cell embryos onboard! :) Lots of good things going on this weekend, including DH's birthday yesterday ... and testing on St. Andrew's day! That just HAS TO WORK!!!! :D HUGS - back to put my feet up now. :) And enjoying being PUPO (pregnant until proven otherwise) !!! WAHEY!!!!

Got up this morning at 6:30am to leave the house at 7am to be at the clinic around 8am. All went well until I had to switch buses ... the next 33 (my normal bus to the hospital) from West End to the clinic was not due for another 15 mins, so I got onto another bus to have a bigger selection of buses from the bridges. In total we seem to have 3 buses that are actually going THROUGH town to get to the hospital ... and guess what ... they all were running about every 10-15 mins! We have the blinking 22 running every 5 mins MAX to get from one shopping centre to another (Gyle to Ocean Terminal) but don't have EXPRESS BUSES to get to the hospital!!! What a FARCE!!! Think next time I'll try either the 21 or the 32 ... see whether it takes me much more than 1 hour 20 mins that I am doing at the moment with 1 change - both of them would be without changing buses but might be a bit of a "city tour" of the outskirts of Edinburgh. NOT TOO HAPPY WITH LRT!! As for the blood test -...

...and guess what - still not the right time for me! :o Back to yet another blood test tomorrow ... this time even earlier than before, between 8 and 8:30am. They will have trouble finding a vein again though. I definitely need to add some arnica cream on my bruises. Work was very busy today but at least I got a different "queue" from our work system this time. Fairly refreshing! :) Also received a pizza box this morning, without the RM ringing the doorbell. But at least they left the box outside. :) Was my order from A Trip Down Memory Lane (for my "Nikolaus" from the SBS Forum and raffle pressies for the crop.) YUMM!! I also got my first "Klartext" stamp sheetfrom Dani Preuss - nice Christmas sayings in German. VERY useful for German Xmas cards. Just couldn't resist. Can't wait for my next day off ... although I suspect I have to pop in to EFREC on Thursday morning as well... yawn! Feeling tired and my eyes are feeling tired as well ......

Went to EFREC this morning (ungodly hour ... between 8 and 9!!). They didn't do a scan, just blood test, so seems they are not worried about the cyst at all. Ach well, maybe I just stick with that attitude? Blood test doesn't say much (i.e. we're not at the "surge" yet), so I have to go back tomorrow - again between 8 and 9. Means I am trying to take an earlier bus tomorrow, so I don't have to work too long tomorrow. :) Absolutely tired today (getting up early yesterday and today.. :( ) but at least I am feeling more or less warm again (was absolutely freezing this morning!!! -1 when we left!!). :D Off to get some crafty stuff done today and do some cleaning in the bedroom (priorities first LOL).

We went to EFREC this morning (very inconsiderate of them ... on my day off to appear at 9:20am with a 30-70 mins trip there. ;) ) Scan showed thin lining (normal at that stage) and ... guess what ... yet another bloody cyst (in the truest sense of the word ... chocolate cyst again! 6x6cm). The doctor is happy to leave it be just now, but you never know, during the whole FET cycle I may just get it drained ... maybe...? The finding would explain the more crampy period pains I had this time around. :o Back for another scan next Monday between 8-9am. And then maybe daily until we figure out when ovulation date is (well... the daily testing is mentioned in the paperwork I got, but not sure if that's going to happen?). Doug thinks that the ET will be on his birthday!! ;) Ach well... we'll see.