Sad day ...

When I came home from work yesterday I had a phone call from my stepmom on our answer machine - just a quick note to say she would phone later the evening. As we're not regularly speaking on the phone I had a little inkling what she's going to say.

When she phoned later at about 7:20pm it was the news I had kinda been expecting. My granny died Monday afternoon - she wasn't in pain and went peacefully which is the main thing. And she's now with my granddad.

Taken today off as I am not in the best state. Have bouts of crying and then I am ok again. It's hard, as I have seen her only once a year for the last 9 years on her birthday. And yes, we actually expected her death for the last 6 years as her health was declining but she surprised us last year with a "massive" (for her) walk through the park.

Since I got the call I am/was torn about going to the funeral or not. It's on Monday - the last funeral I went to was my granddad's in 1999 and that was a 3 week delay (don't ask me why) where we could organise flights. Spoke to my dad and he said nobody will be thinking less if we're not coming. The most important thing is that we made the effort to see her every year and we celebrated a wonderful 90th birthday last year.

I'm glad that she was able to meet Doug (which my granddad didn't) and I am angry at life that she didn't live long enough to meet grandchild #2 ... whenever that's going to happen!!! She's been through a lot over the last years, with pain and lots of meds ... I think I am glad that she was able to go peacefully and that she doesn't have to go through anything worse.


Let's face it - I am not funeral material. I am not the person to handle such news in a good way to start. Last time I was in "robot mode" and this time it's a "feeling ok" and then something is setting the tears off again. Suppose that's normal.

So - with the short time we have to organise and my feelings (I don't KNOW if I want to go to the funeral or not!!!) I think we're staying here and then say our goodbyes when we're going to Germany in April.

Feeling very "away" from it ... at the moment I am in a state of no emotions... wonder how long it'll last this time.

Here's to a great woman who taught me knitting, playing Canasta, cooking wonderful German/Austrian recipes and has handed down her best ever cookie recipe to me.

Thanks for everything, Granny. I love you!